Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
did i walk over a car last night?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
