Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
