Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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