fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
