Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
