is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
