I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
