I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
