I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
