I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
