Midget sex pt 2 tonight
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
