those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
