Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
