life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
