Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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