I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
