he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
