So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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