Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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