When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
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I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
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He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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