Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
