She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
