Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
