i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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