Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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