I love black thongs
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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