handjob tips. give me some.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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