I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
