Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
