you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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