apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
