areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
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