I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
