Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
