1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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