haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
