thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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