Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Randomize
