Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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