she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
