glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
