He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
