Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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