Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
