My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
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