My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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