I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
