***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
