Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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