What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
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It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
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I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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