bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
