Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
