wrigley field is MILF paradise
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
