he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
