I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
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