he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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