oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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