I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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