That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
