The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
