I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
the condom got lost in my hair
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
