Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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