SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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