Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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