I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
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Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
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Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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