I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
