That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
