More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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