every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
