We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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