PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
