official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
