What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I cannot find my penis.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
