Are we in a gay sports bar?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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