I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
