you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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