I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
