Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
