Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
