we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Randomize
