I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
