please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
