They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
