Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
