Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
